Dumpee moved on reddit. 5 years into the relationship.

Dumpee moved on reddit Is it selfish to get closure if you're the dumper and the dumpee has moved on? Broke up with my (f32) boyfriend (m28) of 5 years 2 years ago. The dumpee can sometimes try and help their partner feel better but this comes across as needy & too full on. All you can do is apologise (but don't beg for a second chance) and then respect your ex and set them free. I was cheated on. Then the power shifts. Some I still wonder about from time to time, whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. They may resort to social media to post enticing pictures, show off fun activities, etc. It was right before Christmas, but I didnt miss him at all. GYM = This gets abit of flack in this sub reddit which makes no sense. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. and always wonder whats on her mind. I’m currently struggling with this as a dumpee, but I just wanted to remind myself and let everyone know it’s not true. The dumper pleads with the dumpee to shape up before they actually break it off. I've moved on and I don't want to deal with the past, it's useless". It's someone they have traded you for. I even had one come over recently after 6 years apart because she got whiff of my breakup. Hurt that she is too afraid to honestly confront and handle in therapy. moved on. Yeah, I think that's what people usually mean when they say the dumper ends up hurting just as bad if not worse than the dumpee. 5 year dumpee and 1 week of super minimal business related contact. Improve your cardiovascular health, your endurance. First, the dumper is unhappy in the relationship. It's just reality. And so will the dumpee. And when the dumpee spend months getting used to the idea that it's over, the dumpee has already begun that process a few months ago. From a dumpee: How to move on! I was dumped a month back, with a superfluous, twisted reason for breaking up. As a dumpee, there’s also a widespread belief that NC had the side benefit of making your ex (the dumper) miss you and come back. I'm usually single for 4 years at a time and I have a great time. Whereas the dumper feels relief at the beginning of the breakup, but has to face those negative emotions like guilt or loss in the long term. And I'm fine with that. Even if the dumpee wasn't even that happy in the relationship or was considering ending it themselves, they tend to be the ones who feel the intense negative emotions. She already mourned our relationship, it’s my turn now. If you're the dumpee you don't get a choice, there's nothing you can do to make things go the way you want, you just have to live with what's happened to you and try to move on. 74 votes, 19 comments. You look for attention from friends, but notice that you don't enjoy doing anything other than to sit at home. It is such a toxic and hurtful behaviour. Personally I’ve found being the dumpee much easier and straight forward than being the dumper Some times relationships just don’t/won’t work, in that case you have to dump someone you love. Take care of your body physically. That hurt, not because she was leaving but because I can't believe that's how little I meant The impression she created was that I need to fix myself and after we can get back together . But I think you have to just realize they have their reasons, and even if it’s a bad one the overarching theme is they no longer want you in their life. Neither one has contacted me since I've gone NC on them. Even for that it takes me hours to respond because I have to mentally prepare myself to read whatever is on the screen without falling for the breadcrumbs. Im the dumper. I asked her several times but she said no , but the signs are clear . I’m dealing with it pretty badly, I spent almost two weeks wanting to die in a hole, my emotions were a rollercoaster but things are starting to settle down a bit now. I wish I never met her. So it's not easy for a dumper either, but I feel like in a lot of cases they got more closure from being the one who decided it was time to move on. At this point for me (dumpee), he treated me so terribly during the last few months he would HAVE to be the one to reach out. And, according to my therapist, and my own experience, you heal much faster. Whilst I have moved on quite a lot there is still the tiniest tiniest bit of hope deep down and I also frequently wonder if and when she has or will feel the pain and possibly also regret. What hurts the most is that she moved on in a matter of 2 weeks having been together for 4 years. Dumpee. It very much is dependent on why you broke up in the first place. I was the dumpee, she actually ghosted me. So this “history” is literally history and everyone has moved on Im a dumpee here (5 years of relationship), and my world paralized. BUT, there's one huge difference. I wanna discuss the so called "Stages of a Dumper" that they ALL love to mention. But 3 weeks ago I decided to move on after I found out she’s seeing someone else. I say that in quotes bc the point of NC (as I understand it) is to facilitate healing after the BU. However, most breakups don’t end like this. Jul 7, 2023 · Today I'm going to take an in-depth look at how the dumper feels when the dumpee has moved on. I broke up with girls who were distancing themselves leaving me cluesless what will happen next, then I felt like I was broken up with in the first place but I tried to regain a sort of power with ultimately ending things myself. I was giving him the space he wanted which probably blew his confidence but I don’t care. Doubt begins to creep. It’s not fair that the dumper gets to move on so quickly and be happy and forget all about us while the dumpee has to suffer for months/years. You may not be ready for that. In my role as a dumpee, the vast majority of the dumpers would eventually miss me some time or other. NC was mainly for me to heal and move on, never to "get my ex back. The dumpee is blindsided. I don't want to move on but I'm afraid I'm going to spiral if I don't move on mentally as a personal thing. I don't have my ex on my social media anymore and moved our WhatsApp conversation to the Archived folder (muted). From there, I knew I needed to respect myself and just move on. Two months later we left Berlin and moved to France together, almost 1 year later we ended. " I was faithful and loyal in both relationships. the dumpee doesn’t end the relationship even though it’s actually dead. Please put yourself first, ditch this person from your heart for good and move on with your life. Sometimes wish she hasnt moved on too. Granted, I LOVE being single and experience no shame or insecurity from it. They will become curious about how the dumpee is doing and curiousity equals attraction. At first I was indifferent. The dumpee i noticed went to therapy, had better friend group, while the dumper did things solo Every break up is different though. When this happens, they had already moved on prior to breaking things off. Except his number :(. Dwelling in the past and not allowing yourself to move on and heal and learn is only going to make things So as the dumpee, regardless of whether you hope to one day reconcile, or to forget all about them, the prescription is the same: you need to move on, and get over the feelings you had for them. It’s like she’s completely erased and forgot about me in her memory. No matter if I’m the dumper or dumpee (the moving on progress is pretty much the same) it takes me 3-4 months to fully move on in a good and healthy way. After a few months the thoughts of the dumpee resurfaced and after experiencing a wave of emotions like anger and denial, then I felt devastated when I realized they had given up on me. 2 months post breakup and I’ve finally accepted the fact that we just weren’t meant for each other. It’s weird because his desperation disgusts me. I've been dumper and dumpee. I think about her every single day. You ignore them in every fashion and move on living your best life and becoming your best self. And I'm proof of that. I don’t think NC is supposed to “work” for the dumper. This most recent ex thought the breakup happened while we were still in love and it's incredibly painful. 5 post break up. Understand when it’s time to move on. I made many sacrifices for her that she did not reciprocate or respect. not a moment of weakness but a month of weakness. Every morning I wake up she's usually the first thing I think of. So when the break up come, it's so sudden, and in one instant all your hopes and stuff are gone. If the dumper was someone who had a good relationship but chose to leave for no great reason other than fear and selfishness then the dumpee is the one who should keep NC. Jul 4, 2024 · Found out later she moved on to a new guy 3 days after our breakup and it hurt a lot knowing how she moved on so quickly after our 2 years. I'm the one that broke up with her. The dumper in this scenario knows what the dumpee wants but has pulled the proverbial rug from under them. She had to move back to my place because her friend asked her to move from their place. he still reaches out time and time again and i ignore it every time because i’ve since moved onto a happier relationship. I do understand the pain of being the dumpee, which I know are a lot of people in this reddit, in case y'all come across this post. Then you get better as the time goes on. I mean, it usually, takes time for them to meet new people and recognise our value. My ex-wife was similar. These are the things I did to move on. We were together 5 years. She wanted it done right properly at the first instance and if I was anything less, it would led to her making me ashamed, emasculated, and just With you on this. There are many reasons why dumpers are able to move faster, first and most is the fact they decided to end the relationship and they were already ready to move on, sometimes they move fast so they won't feel the pain, sometimes it's because there's someone else already in The apology, while welcome, is bittersweet because your ex has fallen out of love and wants to move on with their own life now. I'm between following my mind and go NC or my heart which still loves her a lot. Or said a word; the few times I saw her in person. If the dumpee steers clear and stays NC, the dumper starts to wonder and possibly miss the dumpee. I am on my therapy and my life gets better now. For some people it’s part of the closure they need. Yesterday, I opened my Snapchat and it showed an old memory of us at a chocolate factory which brought a lot of feelings back. Subreddit icon by: /u/ladleVonDymphna i was the dumpee and my ex was HORRIBLE at respecting my NC boundaries. LESSON 1: NEVER EVER get back with an ex. I miss my dumpee like crazy. Its nothing personal. There is no point wondering whether your ex is hurting or not it's none of your business anymore. FA/That's hard to answer because the lack of context regarding the break up. Usually the dumper Is already detached and let go to move on quickly whereas the dumpee has to process it all and let go without the other person. If the dumpee is aggressive or confrontational, they might feel slightly rejected but they can twist this into feeling superior because their ex hasn’t “moved on yet”. Never thought Id be the one to experience this. It'll be impossible to heal and move on especially as a dumpee if she can just pop in whenever, please in the coming future save yourself some heart ache and cut contact, I can tell how much pain you're in Dumper here. I just felt I needed to move on. They may now just noticed that the dumpee hasn't talked to them in a long time. I thought I moved on, but a month or so later I found myself missing him. Then after 7months me as a dumpee already move on because i was done begging. I'm in the same situation, although I'm a dumpee boy. You don’t really experience grief, loss and a lack of respect a lot while in a romantic relationship. . I know things can only go up from here but seeing her face everyday is still so hard. My (24f) ex (27m) broke up with me a month ago without a notice. In different ways though. Share Add a Comment For me, even though I recognized we wouldn't work together (which took a few months after the breakup) and were incompatible, it still took me a long time to move on. It’s been a little over 2 weeks since my ex broke up with me and it left me heartbroken but then again everyone experiences it and I wasn’t gonna let it hold me back, I hung out with this girl and I really felt a connection and I posted a picture of us together and now my ex is messaging me saying that I’m an asshole for moving on so quickly. instead I just skipped the slide and dived in. As the dumper I felt immense guilt but again didn't want to contact the person. In my opinion that’s worse, knowing you’ve caused emotional distress to the person you love, the self doubt and confusion, wondering if it was the It depends. i know i should be accepting that but the heart wants what the I have had lots of relationships, some as the dumper, some as the dumpee and what I can say is that eventually they have all come back at some point. The no-contact rule is typically adopted by the one whom the break-up hits harder – which, in most cases, is the person who has been dumped. If their dumpee chases again they feel validated, still feeling superior. Wish I could just take some pill to get rid of all my memories/feelings for them. There is no winning when you’re the dumpee, and not over your ex. Like, is there a switch making people "move on" from someone who has been so vital for you for years? Not saying regular contact, but fuck, ZERO contact/ignoring is immature. Im trying to move on and heal. I was a dumper, as well as a dumpee. so I think the dumper wanted the dumpee to circle back and beg for the relationship to i am the dumpee and recently i’ve been fighting demons not gonna lie. 0 of the dumpee is actually brought on BECAUSE of the breakup and simply would never have made these efforts within the comforts of the relationship. She’s already in the second relationship. The time to make the change was while you were still together. I sat with my feelings, listen to my body and took baby steps in healing. Imo. Our mutual friend has mentioned she moved to Dallas and is seriously dating someone. She says she broke up with me because she couldn't let go of the past. The dumpee took 4 months to recovery, the dumper took 6 months. He asked me to move back in 2 days into our break but I declined. Probably it was what he/she needed, maybe he/she felt he didn't truly moved on, or maybe he/she wants to make sure you don't get the idea to contact him/her again. The dumper may want to "check on you" in the future. I'm going to be covering things like, Why (even though you'll hate this) attachment styles are so important to understand The most common dumper and dumpee attachment pairing Understanding how the dumper actually feels The two For a while the dumpee might not even come across the mind of the dumper as they feel as though they're now free, open, available and ready to take on the future. I’m the dumper. She moved on so quickly but I honestly can't be mad. On the other hand, the dumper feels better afterwards. I know it's kind of a suicide as I think that she has moved on, but I'm ready for the worst case scenario. She even had the nerve to tell me to stick around in case it doesn't work out with someone else. Post-breakup, the realization stage (8 - 12 months) Dumpee begins to realize things will get better, they stop looking into the past as they heal and move forward. one day you wake up and you realize that the first thing that comes to your mind isnt your ex for once, and you’ll realize that you think of them less and less Hey y’all, do female dumpers genuinely miss and still love the dumpee if they seem to be having a really good time by themselves after a break up? Considering that the break up was circumstantial or situation based and they both still very much loved each other. If dumpee isn't aware of or responsive to these warnings, a breakup is inevitable. The dumpee was doing something the dumper didn’t like. And one day, you won’t need to reassure yourself they’ll come back anymore, you’ll have just moved on. The woman in question kept trying to make contact and I ignored. It's been a year now, through therapy and self-reflection, I think I'm happier being single. People will move on. IMO it's ok for the dumpee to choose no contact is it helps them. Once they realize the grass on the other side has to be watered, they'll start questioning their decision. Or they can regret it down the line. Ironically when I tried reaching out she said "talking about things won't change anything. If you break up with someone it’s for a reason. I eventually contacted him back and had an "on-and-off" fling with him for three or four months until I finally grieved the end of our relationship and moved on to greener pastures. She legit acted like I was supposed to wait for her to get to the bottom of the water slide and wait for the lifeguard to signal me it was time to "go". Hang in their friend ! We will heal and move on once we level up. I’m almost waiting for him to end up in a relationship so I can finally move on. If you're the dumper you're making a choice for yourself. I said yes to invitations even if I didn't feel like it, and slowly life just went on. Read that again--if you want to forget about them, you need to get over your feelings for them, and move on. Ex No Contact is a breakup support group focused on self-reliance and general healing. Even if they moved on, if you really want to give it another shot reach out, let them know. 5 years into the relationship. As time goes on, the dumper may start to wonder why they haven't heard from the dumpee, draw comparisons between their new life and the old life, and regret or question their choice. More often than not, a lot of dumpers appear as self-confident as they are post-breakup not because they have any real core-confidence but, because they have the reassurance that their dumpee needs them more than they need their dumpee, since the dumpee does all the She dumped me 2 weeks ago and I moved on (Some advices to dumpee aswell) She dumped me 2 weeks ago. It’s been 11 months since the BU and we’ve been NC. The sole fact that you even broke up at all increases the likelihood of it happening again if you get back together, so you need to have a really good reason to get back that defeats that likelihood. Reach out to a friend to talk to instead. Moved countries, got a new job and am enjoying life generally. They made their choice to cut you off there is literally nothing you can do but accept and move on. The dumpee has more of a tendency to grow and become a better partner in the future whereas the dumper is focused on the partners flaws and not there own. Well that's on him/her, you don't need to wonder why he/she did this. I dont need to see what he is up too. And yeah they do no favor to the dumpee. It hurt like hell. You can move on, whilst still ‘waiting for them’. Best thing to do is just suck it up and move on. They simply just. Sometimes, I really envy that ability to "turn off your feelings" and move on so quickly. Some people literally just move on with out an ounce of remorse or regret. They just had to get their thoughts together, make up their mind, etc. If its truely over then it's the best thing for it. The dumper will also do the same. But the sad truth is, this had probably been going on for a bit before hand. If the dumpee reaches out with “I’m sorry I get it now and I’ve changed” maybe worth a convo. Each day I force myself little by little to move on. I'm still friends with 2 ex's but we became friends a long time ( 1yr plus) after we had both moved on with our lives. They’re choosing to erase you and move and as hard as it is, you need to move on as well. If they found this person while they were still with you (which, unfortunately, is often the case) then this is called a "monkey branch. Her silence only indicates she doesn't want to. Dumpee suffers when they get dumped. Their new partner is not a "rebound". keeps me motivated to move on 22 votes, 29 comments. In the aftermath of the breakup, the dumpee is generally saddened and/or devastated. Thats a valid point. the dumpee could very likely be a manipulator and would’ve kept on manipulating until she dumped him. ” Today I have come to realize that my ex has a lot of hurt under the hood. Ex said why she moved on so fast was because the more I hurt her, the easier it was to move on. Just my experience as the dumpee. As dumpee I wanted nothing else to do with them and I guess there is an argument I was avoidant. Constantly remind yourself that they were not meant for you and you were not meant for them. I'm thinking about texting her to express all my feelings and to ask for another chance. I know that she knows how to reach out to me if she wants to. if they dumpee doesn’t want to get back together or has started dating someone else, that’s when the tables are turned and Version 2. She moved on a couple months after the breakup. Sep 30, 2024 · I'm usually been the dumpee and generally moved on faster than my dumpers. It was a huge mistake I'll probably regret for the rest of my life, I know that for sure now. The dumpee, if they have made some big changes can come back. I've been the dumpee before and it depends. Deal with it here. It's all psychological. Thelovechat on YouTube explains the dumper/dumpee dynamics really well if you want to understand more. I‘ll explain this in-depth. The stages are reversed. I do had an urge to date but my therapist said I need to take time to process this and spend some time to feel self confident once again. It’s been more than 2 years since the breakup and I’ve been single ever since. The dumpee believes they are handling any conflict maturely. The dumpee gets knocked down by the breakup and lives through months of emotional pain, slowly getting better. It may hold way much power than you expected. Great feedback. It allowed me to heal, grow and move on far quicker than if she kept me on a string. During this time, the dumpee improves and finds their confidence again. Went through the expected emotions, upset, anger, hate, confusion blah blah blah. Hearts break. You noticed that she has become cold and unpleasant, but you cease to accept the fact that you were the one to break it off. I made one friend at a local bar, and that opened up lots of other friendships. I dunno why but I'm either over it in a matter of weeks or even dating someone new. As others have stated: relief/freedom at first, then the high of “freedom” wears off and becomes normal, then they start realizing they’re missing the good parts of your relationship and that it’s truly over, they start wondering about you, if they see you’ve moved on then they get sad and wonder if they made a mistake. Yes they start off with feelings of relief, they hold the power and control, thinking of the negatives and bad times. Blocking/deleting them on social media or going no-contact in general can be very very helpful. But generally i think its seen as the dumper should reach out as they chose to end things and the dumpee is trying to heal from the fact the other one doesn't want them. I'm going insane wishing we were what we used to be. A LOT of the time dumpers dump because they’re sick of the dumpees behavior. Sometimes, people really are better friends and sometimes it's best if you would of never met that person at all. Anecdotally i had mutual friends who broke up. My ex would almost brag about how she was able to move on quickly. That said, it affects both the dumper and the dumpee. Thanks for ur words. Context: [[In my experience, this had to happen because I had a lot of issues and had a lot of growing to do while she wanted to move very fast and had a lot of needs that I was learning to provide. I personally couldn’t do that to anyone. The time we spent together doesn’t disappear from my mind. Everyone likes choice, and having yours taken away isn The dumpee suffers most at the beginning of the breakup but gets to grieve, learn, and then move on and so is better off. Your comment has been removed: Removed for casual or inappropriate usage of mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. One way or the other, being the dumpee means you NEED to push forward and move on, while the dumper may somehow intervene in the future making it more difficult or even getting you a couple steps back. It seemed as though she was planning for this for weeks and possibly even months and had felt this way for quite some time. After two months is probably when the dumpee really started accepting the break up and healing for the better. Same. If the breakup was clean (no begging, no angriness) I missed the person but moved on amicable. Good luck, i understand that it sucks, but you'll get through it! If the dumper leaves room for negotiation, then it just makes it worse for the dumpee. Hope this gives you permission to move on yourself. there was no discussion what the dumper was thinking or what could be worked on. When the dumpee is civil and acts normally, this flips the dynamic completely. It just took you a while to figure it out. Let’s look at the stages of no contact rule from both perspectives, to understand how: For the dumpee: This is probably a good explanation on why they usually come back when the dumpee has already moved on. The dumpee is stuck with questions, and a lost future they still wanted; it's a lot more confusing and chaotic, and that makes the heartbreak linger for the dumpee. It's easier if the avoidant dumper is a young woman, because they get so much attention, it's easy to get new supply, forget about the dumpee, and move on fast. Whereas the dumpee has nothing to regret and they've already accepted the breakup and moved on. Then when they try to reach out to the dumpee or breadcrumb the the dumpee after they have had a moment of clarity and see that the dumpee has moved on that’s when they want to try to get back to the good they had. Some positive some negative. The most obvious signs are the ones directly spoken and/acted out by the dumper. You don't want then to reach out. I know it doesn't happen everytime, but after some time on the subs "ExNocontat" and "Breakups" I can see it happens pretty often. So if it seems that the dumpee move on quicker, it may just be that they started the process of "moving on" earlier. I don’t want to get back with him, but still I’m obsessed with “stalking” his socials. I'll be talking about how I feel now compared to when it first ended. If you're doubting whether or not the person who dumped you misses you, I won't say that they always do, but it happens more than you think. For example, maybe the dumper has been mulling over how to get out of the unhealthy relationship for quite some time, or has decided on leaving but doesn’t know how to execute, or some event on their lives makes I felt the same when my ex moved on and got into a relationship 3. Keep doing what you’re doing, let the time pass and heal you, and stay away from glimpsing into her life as best you can. Do not go against someone's nature and your ex will just do to you what they did the last time. Right after the break up it's definitely harder to be the dumpee. After that they feel ready to move on but do they really? Maybe, some go straight into relationships right after but there no doubt that dumper still thinks about dumpee esp if they got out of a long term relationship. Truth is, now I'm actually grateful of her not reaching out. When the dumper reaches out, you (dumpee) will be powerful and happy. It depends on what the dumper thinks and how they feel about the old relationship and the breakup. So fingers crossed :) and thanks for Reddit . Some people are able to remain friends with their exes but for most of us, this is sadly not a reality. I (dumpee) am in a good place now. i really want to reach out but i was dumped and i know most if not all the time the only way no contact is broken is if the dumper reaches out but i’m struggling with that because what if they never reach out. Time works in favour of the dumpee and works against the dumper. While both are hard, the dumpee is MUCH worse. It just hurts to much to see his life w out me in it and tbh he doesn’t deserve access to my life and what im up too. If it was amicable or at least not messy and they still have love for you, I would imagine they would be happy that you moved on because they wouldn't want you to continue hurting or wallowing. Idk. This is coming from an 18 year relationship. The dumper runs away and enters the relief stage. Taking days, weeks, or even months on end to make the decision often results in the dumpee becoming emotionally abused and neglected to some extent, which just strains the relationship more and alters their behavior, causing the dumper to take note of things and use how the dumpee is reacting to the emotional pain as justification to end the Many times, the dumpees are very hurt, even if there was not cheating/abuse/etc. She literally told me, “When someone breaks up with me, I just shut the door on them and move on to the next one. There are SO MANY unanswered questions that the dumpee may go their whole life, or a very long time wondering, bc the dumpee has no access to the dumper brain once the breakup day ends. I just need to be the best version of myself when they do’, and go about your day. After about 3 months of no contact, they liked an IG story, then a few weeks later DM responded to another IG story, it felt great of course, I was polite and friendly and tried to keep the conversation going, only to get ghosted again. She didnt fight for me, she gave up on me, I couldnt barely eat or work the first week, she became a robot and cold person, her birthday is now 8 june and mine is 17 june. >The truth might be that you’re the one struggling to let go, while they might of moved on already. But the dumper is in a different position and should be considerate. They would not want to stick around, they’d choose to move on, instead of allowing the circumstances to hinder them. It was a blindsided end to a 3 year marriage, 5 year relationship. And that state can go on forever. Please don't try to make me feel bad about my decision. She hasn't blocked me anywhere or even unfollowed me or deleted any of her posts with me. Once the dumpee moved on, they remember all the pain they went through and mostly aren't interested in joining a relationship with their ex again in case they have to go through another breakup soon. I have been struggling up and down , but still seem to be progressing towards recovery, baby steps but still recovering. But this is when the dumpee has reinvented themselves and is now super duper happy. So, as a little anniversary present to the sub that helped me through some dark shit, here are some pieces of what I've learned over the past year. and the dumper is prone to repeat past mistakes. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. As soon as the realization kicks in that the dumpee moved on they feel like they are losing the battle. Dumpers just have to live with a choice they made, dumpees have to live with not being chosen. In my opinion, most avoidant dumpers don't do any kind of counseling or therapeutic work, they just dump and look for a new relationship. the dumpee can never love them the same way again. I also realized she was never worth it in the first place. That is when they will start missing the dumpees. He has to be the one to reach out and he will have work to do if he wants me to even consider taking him back. Seeing her move on so quickly broke me completely. I just don’t understand either how people can move on so quickly like that. I’ve been both, and I can assure you they both suck, but for me, being the dumpee was worse. Why does the dumpee move on with time and "forget" about the relationship, while the dumper is the one that misses the relationship more when some time has passed. there’s too many variables and it’s too risky for the dumpee to go back. In my role as a dumper, I always emotionally detached during the relationship, so I never missed the dumpee, sometimes I even had the dumpee miss me. Some dumpers regret their decision but I think the vast majority is ready letting go of the dumpee. I like what you wrote the response of contacting with the intent of rebuilding the relationship not a friendship. So at that point it should be the dumper to reach out as they changed there minds and want to show the other person that. the only way of knowing if your dumper has changed is when the break your heart again 😞 just not worth it Or dumpers saying "I don't want to hurt them and I want to give them space" - guess what? You already hurt them when you left them. The dumpee at this point, will possibly be looking to move on, they will have accepted that they weren't suited to being with their ex and will start to begin a recovery. Then, weeks to months later they hit the curiosity stage. 111K subscribers in the heartbreak community. im a dumper/dumpee (i broke up w my ex then begged for him back, and he didnt accept so technically im the ultimate dumpee) and i can say that yes, i think it’s true to an extent. It happens because of what I call 'dumpers confidence' and deep insecurities on the dumpers side. I told him I thought it was weird that he 1) moved on with a coworker 2) so quickly and that he must’ve had interest before our break. I really thought about it. Ongoing support for break ups. For some reason I still stalk her. 4 months after the break up I moved on to a much more attractive and affectionate person, inside and out. At this point the dumper begins to understand the gravity of the situation. But at the same time, the idea of him with someone else drives me crazy She dumped me 2 weeks ago and I moved on (Some advices to dumpee aswell) She dumped me 2 weeks ago. The dumpee can compromise when their partner oversteps boundaries & also accept the “blame”. Though, I will say that sometimes the dumper may be in a position to move on much sooner than the dumpee for legitimate reasons. It's been 4 months of no contact, not even a wave in person and she still hasn't reached out. Time will heal you even if you feel like you’re making no progress. A year later broke up with me and left me heart broken. I want the November dumpee to find a compatible partner and be happy. I cant sleep, I cant eat, im vomiting all the time, I constantly remember the last time we were together (last week), im constantly draining myself down, seeking and answer, spiraling… im on xanax, going to therapy, literally doing everything to just exist. I blocked him on everything. There are multiple reasons why a dumper or dumpee want to remain friends. Many times, the dumper is not interested anymore in making the effort of showing empathy for them, in the sense of offering the opportunity for discussions and truly listening to what the dumpee has to say. I was a dumpee before too (with the same ex) but my self-work was much more intense when I was the dumpee. She has already moved on, because she is emotionally mature and more active in her life. he broke up with me over the phone and i remember his stone cold voice as i was sitting there sobbing my eyes out. I'm always rooting for the other person's happiness. #partyfoul :) They see it as, "You didn't really care if you've moved on so quickly," when it's really that you don't give two fucks about them in that way anymore if they don't wanna be with you. It crushed me. She moved on in like 2 months. If you're on this sub, you're probably a dumpee but also deeply empathetic, nostalgic and find it hard to move on from loss. true. Dumper feels the pain, grieve the loss of their partner before they break up with the dumpee. It has been 3 months now and I havent moved on. The dumpee often is blindsided. Never. This is the strongest and most mature frame to 276K subscribers in the BreakUps community. I broke up with her a year ago. The dumpee can flat out refuse, make excuses, agree to make changes and then don't make the changes. I think it’s hard for a lot of people to move on when they think their ex completely doesn’t care about them or their time together anymore. Something not working in the relationship. He's the one who tossed me to the side, he knew I wanted to work on it. I’m not sure if I can date again. 129K subscribers in the ExNoContact community. I still do a lot of self-work because of the trauma that I felt with my ex cheating on me (feeling of not being good enough). Dumper also tells a lot of awful things to dumpee to his friends (those issues were already fixed during the relationship) he blindsided me and fly to other country. I believe if the dumpee would take more time taking inventory or observing an ex partner, Instead of remaining complacent. If the break up was messy, I felt relief and the eventually missed the person, maybe reached back maybe not (depending of if I still felt friendship/care towards the person). Our members… If the dumpee did not do anything stupid and just worked on themselves, most of the time the dumper will later think “What, why are they not contacting me? Have they moved on already? So fast?”. It's not because they are women and have options, it's because they chose to leave and this is true for men as for women. Gaslighting can occur because of an unequal power dynamic. I think totally cutting contact is actually a power move from the dumpee - not to try to get the dumper back but because it generally makes it a bit more 'mutual' in that the dumpee was strong enough not to accept anything less than a committed relationship. As a dumpee myself, I've often had this dangling thought but I restrain myself. The first ex moved out of state after college and has had a boyfriend for 4yrs now, and the second one was a short fling in which we both agreed we're better off as friends, and she's been with her now fiancé (also my childhood best friend) since after college as well. The key is, self-work should never stop regardless if you’re a dumpee or a She dumped me 2 weeks ago and I moved on (Some advices to dumpee aswell) She dumped me 2 weeks ago. Get the f up and go to the gym, go for a walk, do some sort of physical exercise. When the dumpee moves on, the dumper may experience a range of feelings, including a sense of loss, jealousy, and even anger. I've had exes move on fast like that after they dumped me, and it doesn't bother me. Fears being rejected or ignored by the dumpee Feels they're not allowed to contact the dumpee due to having hurt them Isn't sure if the dumpee has worked on themselves Feels the dumpee isn't interested anymore/moved on Obviously, the dumper might not reach out because they've moved on and don't want to speak to the dumpee. She has already moved on, that's exactly what hurts. He is very upset about it. The question is whether or not you recognized the signs that something was amiss. After a few months, relief and elation will wear off and they will hit the normal mundane lifestyle and regress back into it. What’s helping me move on is distracting myself with my hobbies, friends and Reddit posts. For sure dumpee's heartbreak is worse. There is no other option. After a while, these feelings fade and the good memories resurface. If you're regretful of that decision and want to make things work, the dumpee deserves to know that. I'm still single. Dumpers convince themselves you’ve moved on, and they’ve made the right decision, because you stopped reaching out, and that you’re better off, OR you break NC and they just think you’re annoying, unhinged, whatever else. I’ve suffered too much and for too long. The time he says we broke up is 3 months ago, 1. If they regret it, I think they experience worse pain than dumpee has ever had to feel. It is important to recognize and understand these emotions to foster healing and growth. " Posted by u/LArandomthrow - 1 vote and no comments I read an article that the dumper tends to feel MORE than the dumpee when it comes to these situations, and most times the dumpee tends to have the upper hand, more freedom after being let go from this situation -- they feel a little less than the dumper does. They hide it from the dumpee until it all comes spilling out. He said he understood our breakup months ago, from my tone. Over a misunderstanding and after 2 years of being together So the dumpee isn't always the one in the wrong. Depends on the circumstances. This is why it is often harder for the dumpee rather than the dumper. That’s how you absolutely win the breakup and the dumpee eats eternal regret. Im just mad at myself now. The Dumper is not "rebounding" - they have already moved on if they decided to end the relationship coldly. jkg doafo csa jkj omxb senywpl ydyfpt wwuqe bumpyv jyf